In my experience, all of us are victims. If you are reading this, my guess is that you have experienced some form of injustice that has impacted your life. You may have been abused as a child; you may have been ripped off in some business deal; you may have been lied to–the list is potentially endless. It really is a tragedy that so many have suffered and been victims of some form of injustice. I wish that life could be lived free from these tragedies.
One of the problems that these injustices present is the potential that some of us have to start playing the victim. We may develop what we would call a “victim mindset”. Some may latch on to all of their negative experiences and use them as excuses to not move forward in life. I have met plenty of people over the years who have grabbed hold of a label, and then used it as an excuse for their present-day behavior. Others may not latch on to a label, but will instead make unwise decisions and when things go wrong, they will blame the outcomes on other people or circumstances, rather than make the connection between their mistakes and the negative outcomes.
While having people latch hold of a victim mindset can be problematic when carried too far, the reality is that many people are genuinely victims. Some of us have been unjustly treated in very serious ways. If this is you, then it is okay to admit it. It is OK to talk about it. In fact it is to your benefit and to the benefit of others if you do talk about it. Part of recovery is to acknowledge how you feel. Then when you have come to terms with your emotions you can heal and move forward from what you have experienced.
On the flip side, if you know someone who is a victim, don’t minimize their experience. Don’t dismiss their emotions. In fact, even when someone is playing the victim, we should start with compassion. Telling someone to stop playing the victim doesn’t help. All the best advice seems to be opposite.
All of this makes me think of King David when he wrote Psalm 22:
Psalm 22:11–18 (NASB95)
11 Be not far from me, for trouble is near; For there is none to help.
12 Many bulls have surrounded me; Strong bulls of Bashan have encircled me.
13 They open wide their mouth at me, As a ravening and a roaring lion.
14 I am poured out like water, And all my bones are out of joint; My heart is like wax; It is melted within me.
15 My strength is dried up like a potsherd, And my tongue cleaves to my jaws; And You lay me in the dust of death.
16 For dogs have surrounded me; A band of evildoers has encompassed me; They pierced my hands and my feet.
17 I can count all my bones. They look, they stare at me;
18 They divide my garments among them, And for my clothing they cast lots.
King David was a man who made a lot of mistakes. It would be easy to equate much of David’s suffering as a consequence for his poor choices in life. In fact, if we really wanted to be self righteous we could tell him to “get over it”, “pull up your socks”, “quit mopping around”, “quit your whining”. We could even go so far as to say “quit playing the victim”. But those words would show a total lack of compassion. Suffering is real, and it is a healthy thing to call it for what it is. If we experience trials ourselves or see others suffering, we should respond in compassion. In the case of Psalm 22, I am glad that David had the courage to be honest about his feelings. I am thankful that he wrote down his experience. It should help us all to see that expressing our pain over wrongs done is a good thing and healthy thing if we are going to move forward from these experiences so that good can come out of them.