Are Pastors equipped to help resolve conflicts?
Are Pastors trained in conflict management?
The short answer is “Yes and No”. That mixed answer is due to a couple of main concerns:
- Differences between schools:
There are substantial variations in training among Bible Colleges and Seminaries. Some schools will offer elective courses on the subject, some schools will make those courses mandatory. However, the training that most Pastors will receive typically includes some or all of the following: - courses on conflict management
- courses on leadership
- training to equip the pastor to conduct pre marital and marital counseling
- Situations that you simply can’t prepare for.
- Regardless of how much training you get, there there are some situations that no one can really be adequately trained for.
- Personality/Conflict Management Styles
- Church History
- Biblical Knowledge
Summarizing the answer, there is no question that Seminaries and Bible Colleges could better equip their students in the realm of conflict management.
However, the real problem is not the Seminaries or the Bible Colleges. Nor is the problem found with the Pastors lack of training The problem is that churches are filled with sinful human beings, some of whom have no desire to follow Biblical guidance in managing conflict.
So when I am asked if Pastors are trained in conflict management my answer is no – because to be honest, I am not sure that any Pastor is equipped to deal with some of the conflict situations that surface in churches. Have I received some training – yes. However, no amount of training can prepare you for people who are intent on biting and devouring each other with total disregard for the well being of others. In my experience these people are never happy. You deal with one issue, and they just move on to the next issue. They will never be happy and you will never find peace.
What I have done over the years is develop some basic principles for managing conflict all of which come from Scripture. Sadly, while many of these are fairly obvious, in the heat of conflict, much of this gets neglected.
Primary concerns:
- a brokenness of spirit
- a desire to be at peace with all men (Romans 12:9ff)
- a focus on ones own faults and not those of others (Matthew 7:1-6)
- not to receive empty accusations against an elder (1 Timothy 5:19)
Once all of the above is met, any and all accusations/conflicts need to go through a process that is found in Matthew 18.
Some of the best material that I have found in managing conflict:
I have found over the years that the person asking the question is usually asking because they are hoping or were expecting that their Pastor would solve some specific conflict in the church. More specifically, what happens is that conflict exists, or has developed and some people in the church who are disgruntled and not getting what they want, are now struggling with why the Pastor hasn’t solved the problems to their satisfaction. So they ask the question of the Pastor – “when you were in seminary, did you get any training in conflict management”. When things get to this point, the question is loaded, and in my opinion it is really not worth answering.
Example:
The pastor had been part of a church for a little more than 10 years. He was sitting in a leadership meeting and they were discussing some recent issues that had surfaced. One of the men, we will call him “Sherman”, spoke up and asked the question of the Pastor – “do pastors get training in Bible College or Seminary on how to manage conflict?”
The Pastor nearly choked on hearing the question and then as he realized his predicament he was about ready to burst out laughing. It was clear to this Pastor that the question was not really a question at all but was instead an accusation. Though he likely would never have admitted it, what Sherman was really saying to his Pastor was “we brought you here to help us, but there are still people fighting and that is your fault. Clearly you don’t know how to manage or resolve conflict.”
Some of the background:
Conflict with Adam and Jodi Bott:
When this particular Pastor first arrived, one of the first pastoral concerns he faced was a conflict that Sherman and his wife Shelley were involved with. As the Pastor dug, what he learned was Sherman and Shelley were worship leaders. They led a team that What the Pastor learned was that Sherman and Shellie were worship leaders who had a long history of conflcit. In that very early situation, the Pastor discoverd that Sherman and Shelley had offered some unsolicited advice to another couple they
Conflict with people on the soundboard
Conflict with other members on their worship team
So, back to the meeting with the board. When Sherman asked the question of the Pastor – “do pastors get training in Bible College or Seminary on how to manage conflict?” The Pastor decided to answer Sherman with a “no”. The Pastor realized that there was no helping Sherman with conflict. Many pastors are trained in managing conflict, some quite extensively. However when you meet up with the “Sherman’s” of the world, well some people are just hard of heart and are not prepared to listen. No amount of training can overcome that.
